Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

What is your craziest college sex story?

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

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I can read

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

What is the most memorable thing that happened in your college days?

I understand how hurricane paths work

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

What caused the decline of the Soprano crew?

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

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I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

What are some questions obviously just asked for sexual gratification?

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I have complete contempt for fakery

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

What methods do private investigators use to investigate someone in real life?

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

I don’t buy bullshit

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

What are 10 interesting facts about you?

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I have a reading level above third grade

What's your review of the movie Poor Things?

I actually pay taxes

I don’t cotton to rapists

I know who the president of Turkey really is

What is the significance of Pete Rose, the all-time hits leader in Major League Baseball, who just passed away?

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I can count

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I see through liars

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”